Today I cried for the love I lost, but then again, I never had. A momentary bliss has left my heart bleeding again. Why can’t I make it stop? Why am I still feeling so much pain of not being able to hold his face, kiss his lips, and feel his warmth? Why is there still so much love? A love that I can no longer express. For if I do, it wouldn’t be right anymore. The only expression of love I can give is to let him walk down that aisle and profess his deepest feelings to the person he chose to be by his side for the rest of his life. The person who is, sadly, not me.

Yesterday I wept, for the love that was gone and can never be won. For that brief moment of happiness has left me feeling alone. Now I try to look back, but my heart doesn’t seem to recall. Where has all the bleeding gone? Has my heart finally learned to move on?  I was never lost, nor was I ever alone. The sadness that filled my heart has overshadowed how free I have become. Free from the lie that was “us.” I made a choice. Not of what is right, but of what is real. for this I know, I feel.

 Tomorrow I will wake from this deep slumber and see the man of my dreams not amongst white clouds of unending promises, but amidst the crowd of  familiar faces watching me in my silky white dress walking towards him.. Again, I will feel tears running down my face. Not of what I’ve lost, nor of what I could never have. Once again I will cry for no reason other than the man that led my heart to move mountains with just a single beat.

 Posted on 16 April 2008 1:00 PM